We’ve all struggled to connect with other people at one time or another, and university is usually the first step out of the bubble of school or college. Ironically, sometimes the more people you’re surrounded by, the easier it can be to feel lonely!
The small, everyday interactions you have all help build a sense of community and belonging. Connecting with people, in whatever capacity, supports your wellbeing – regardless of the number of people you consider friends. In fact, research shows that social connections are just as important to your overall health as exercise is.
But how often do you wish you could skip the small talk and go straight to being friends with someone? It’s easier to bond over shared interests or experiences, so if you’re already signed up to events, societies or MOVE activities, you’re already on your way. If you’re not, and your study schedule allows, why not try one?
Prefer something quieter?
You don’t need to drink, go clubbing or attend a huge event to meet people. Quieter, low-pressure activities can make it easier to talk naturally and find people with similar interests.
- Try a daytime society taster, creative workshop, volunteering session or MOVE activity.
- Invite someone from your course or accommodation for a coffee, lunch, a walk or a study session.
- Look for alcohol-free events and smaller activities where there is already something to focus on.
- If large groups feel overwhelming, aim for one small interaction at a time – saying hello before a lecture still counts.
Tips for small talk
The art of small talk is important though, and a skill that will benefit you in your university, personal and professional life, so here’s our top tips to help:
- Ask open-ended questions. Instead of “did you have a good weekend”, you could ask what someone got up to during it – maybe it’ll turn out you did something similar, or they’ve visited that new spot you’ve been meaning to go to.
- And then actually listen to the answers! (This one’s important)
- If you’re asked questions, avoid super short answers; it’s hard to take a conversation anywhere if you don’t give the other person anything to work with. You don’t need to share anything you’re uncomfortable with, but adding a little extra detail can keep the conversation going a little further than just “good thanks, you?” “yeah good, thanks”
- Respect boundaries. For example, if someone clearly doesn’t want to talk about their family, or dating life– don’t push them to.
- Don’t take things too personally. You may have caught someone when they just don’t fancy a chat (with anyone), so don’t let this put you off altogether.
- Be in the moment. Put away your phone – unless it’s relevant to the topic at hand (hello, cute pet pics)
- If you compliment someone, make sure it’s genuine. Compliments are a great way to start a conversation, or simply brighten someone else’s day – but insincere compliments can have the opposite effect.
- Make plans with (potential) friends. Especially when everyone is managing a busy workload (or out on placement), it can be easy to shut yourself away a bit. Taking breaks is important though, so factor them into your study schedule and hit two birds with one stone. Had a brief chat with someone after a MOVE class? – ask them if they’re coming to the next one!
- If you identify as neurodivergent, then come along to one of the Thinking Differently cafes if you haven’t already.
- Finally – don’t be afraid to get out of your comfort zone, and keep at it! The more you practise, the easier it’ll feel and the more resilient to awkwardness you’ll be. Often the most confident people in the room once felt (or still feel) shy inside!
Connections don’t always develop into friendships, but it’s not all or nothing – a variety of relationships of all different types makes life more fulfilling and interesting.
Good luck!
