For many students, university life offers a lot of new experiences, including new relationships.
You will meet new romantic partners, new course mates, flatmates or new friends — as well as experiencing extended time away from old friends, partners or family members. You might also be living abroad for the first time or discovering your identity or sexuality.
Relationships can be complicated. Understanding the foundations of a healthy relationship will help you establish positive connections and ensure you feel comfortable, safe and well supported.
Remember, relationships aren’t meant to make you feel bad. You have the right to be respected, be comfortable and be happy in any relationship.
Last year, for the International Day for the Elimination of Violence against Women we spoke to you, our students, to find out what you thought were ‘green flags’ and ‘red flags’ in relationships – behaviour that was appreciated and supported, and behaviour that was unacceptable or abusive.
Your suggestions for ‘green flag’ behaviour in relationships included:
- Good communication
- Asks for consent
- Caring
- Emotionally intelligent
- Empathetic
- Respectful
- Supportive
- Trusting and trustworthy
- Allows room for independence and self sufficiency
- Willingness to learn and work through problems
And your examples of ‘red flag’ behaviours in relationships included:
- Aggression or anger
- Control
- Gaslighting into desired behaviour
- Disrespect
- Jealousy
- Possessiveness
- Judgment
- Deception
- Manipulation
- Narcissism
- Obsessiveness
- Sexism
- Violence
- Poor communication
- Lack of empathy
- Lack of consent
What to do if you think you’re in an unhealthy relationship
Well done for recognising this. This is often the hardest part! Here’s some steps to help if you think you’re in an unhealthy relationship:
- If you’re ready to talk, speak to a friend, family member, member of staff or someone you trust about how you’ve been feeling.
- If you feel like you’re in physical danger, call 999 if it is safe to do so. If you’re on campus, dial 9999 from a telephone connected to the University network to reach your campus control room.
- Reach out to one of support services, wellbeing services or book an appointment with our Anti-Sexual Violence Service.
- Contact a helpline or support services, some details are at the bottom of this page.
- Use our report and support tool to flag something that makes you feel upset or uncomfortable.
- Reach out to the Student’s Union Advice Centre if you need help finding new halls of residence or private accommodation, or email the UWE Bristol accommodation service.
- Build a support network of people you trust and want the best for you.
- Try and regain some independence from the relationship.
- Prioritise your health and wellbeing.
- Don’t let this experience impact other relationships. Think about what went wrong, what you would do differently and what you want new relationships to look like. Create new boundaries or set new expectations for the future in order to maintain your happiness.
How to support someone in an unhealthy relationship
Supporting someone you believe is in an unhealthy relationship should be approached carefully. You may be their only advocate, so try not to force them to do anything or shame them in any way. It is important to remind them that they deserve to feel happy and safe in their relationship and that any form of abuse is not acceptable.
Listen to them and their experiences and try and see the whole picture. Let them know you are there for them and they can trust you. Leaving toxic relationships, ending friendships or making the decision to end contact with family members are all huge, emotional decisions. The person may need time to adjust, come to terms with the situation and even see the scenario the way you do. Help them to seek professional help in the form of local charities, helplines or encourage them to contact UWE’s wellbeing and support services. You’re doing a great thing, well done.
Check out our healthy behaviours web page for more guidance and external resources, as well as our wellbeing services.